[ she knows that as children it was all the same, that everyone told him the same confession; he could recite it verbatim at this point, and she isn't surprised, even still.
in thinking back, even when she was trying to convince him not to leave Konoha-
even then she didn't really tell him. she's never told either of them why they're so special, why she cares as much as she does. and maybe Naruto knows, he must, because they've spent so much time together in their world but Sasuke-
Sasuke and her don't have those years of time. they don't have that the way she does with Naruto. they have their childhood and this, here, in Death City. and, she realizes, that Sasuke probably doesn't see that those things have always been enough for her to love him. those moments.
so-
as frustrated as she is with him, with this, with the fact that their perfect night had turned into this-
he deserves to know. and she wants to be able to tell him in ways she hasn't been allowed to before. ]
You heard it a lot when we were younger, didn't you? About how everyone looked up to you, and why all of us thought you were so cool and impressive. [ she laughs, soft, though it's less from humor- ] I was so embarrassing. I sometimes feel like I should apologize for how I used to be around you.
And-
And maybe at first it was about you being cool and mysterious. Maybe at first it was, when I didn't know you. But then we got assigned to a team together, that's when it changed. Because Sasuke-kun you tried so hard to be angry about things, you tried harder than anyone to keep yourself all locked up inside so that all you focused on was getting stronger, but you couldn't always do it, you know.
Like when we were on our first mission and you saved Naruto and I. When we had our chuunin exams in the forest and you protected us. When you challenged both Naruto and I to grow and be better team mates, to catch up with you. Sometimes- Sometimes I think that you cared so much that it was part of why you left.
[ and she knows that it was mostly Itachi and avenging his clan, she knows. but there's also part of her that realizes there's truth in what she's saying -- that he left because he felt too much for them. ]
I love you because of those things. Because as much as you try so hard to be detached you still care about us. As hard as you tried as kids to be detached and avoidant, you still cared about us. We were still important to you, and we still are, and you still show that to me. To Naruto, too.
And I know you hate these conversations. I know they're hard for you and you don't like emotional things like this, but please just- [ she brings her fingers together, twists them, nervous. ] Bear with me, okay? This isn't easy for me, either.
I've always loved you, Sasuke-kun. At first it was a child crush, but then it was a teammate, someone precious to me. And that's how it was back home. No matter what choices you made, I loved you because you were such an important person to me, because you and Naruto are my most precious people that I'd do anything for, no matter what.
And there are things that have happened back home, things that I don't know how to forgive even myself for, but I-
I know that you are a different person here, and that's what I love, too. That here you've learned to make your bonds stronger, that you trust your teammates again, that you want to protect these people you call your friends. I love you for so much, and you say that you're a stranger, but you're not.
Things have happened here that I don't know about. Both of you have gone through things that you haven't or won't tell me about, and I understand. As much as I hate being in the dark, I do understand.
But that doesn't mean that just because I don't know everything that you're a stranger to me. You're still Sasuke, you're still my teammate, and I still love you more than I've ever-
[ she stops then, thinks for a moment, because-
because that isn't fully true, not now, not here. here she has so many things she never thought she would with both of them. here they have some measure of peace, they have a routine. they live together, they spend twelve hours a day on their Watch shift together, they've all resonated. the dynamic is so different, she just-
Sakura breathes, has to, because she's sure that she might cry from all that she's admitting. ]
I love both of you so much, Sasuke-kun. I'm giving up the chance of ever seeing my parents or Ino or Tsunade-shishou ever again, because the idea of not being with you and Naruto is so painful to me that I'd give up everyone else to spend these days here with you two.
[ she huffs, soft, still feeling mildly indignant, even after all that. ]
Try telling me again how I know nothing about you and can't love you.
no subject
[ she knows that as children it was all the same, that everyone told him the same confession; he could recite it verbatim at this point, and she isn't surprised, even still.
in thinking back, even when she was trying to convince him not to leave Konoha-
even then she didn't really tell him. she's never told either of them why they're so special, why she cares as much as she does. and maybe Naruto knows, he must, because they've spent so much time together in their world but Sasuke-
Sasuke and her don't have those years of time. they don't have that the way she does with Naruto. they have their childhood and this, here, in Death City. and, she realizes, that Sasuke probably doesn't see that those things have always been enough for her to love him. those moments.
so-
as frustrated as she is with him, with this, with the fact that their perfect night had turned into this-
he deserves to know. and she wants to be able to tell him in ways she hasn't been allowed to before. ]
You heard it a lot when we were younger, didn't you? About how everyone looked up to you, and why all of us thought you were so cool and impressive. [ she laughs, soft, though it's less from humor- ] I was so embarrassing. I sometimes feel like I should apologize for how I used to be around you.
And-
And maybe at first it was about you being cool and mysterious. Maybe at first it was, when I didn't know you. But then we got assigned to a team together, that's when it changed. Because Sasuke-kun you tried so hard to be angry about things, you tried harder than anyone to keep yourself all locked up inside so that all you focused on was getting stronger, but you couldn't always do it, you know.
Like when we were on our first mission and you saved Naruto and I. When we had our chuunin exams in the forest and you protected us. When you challenged both Naruto and I to grow and be better team mates, to catch up with you. Sometimes- Sometimes I think that you cared so much that it was part of why you left.
[ and she knows that it was mostly Itachi and avenging his clan, she knows. but there's also part of her that realizes there's truth in what she's saying -- that he left because he felt too much for them. ]
I love you because of those things. Because as much as you try so hard to be detached you still care about us. As hard as you tried as kids to be detached and avoidant, you still cared about us. We were still important to you, and we still are, and you still show that to me. To Naruto, too.
And I know you hate these conversations. I know they're hard for you and you don't like emotional things like this, but please just- [ she brings her fingers together, twists them, nervous. ] Bear with me, okay? This isn't easy for me, either.
I've always loved you, Sasuke-kun. At first it was a child crush, but then it was a teammate, someone precious to me. And that's how it was back home. No matter what choices you made, I loved you because you were such an important person to me, because you and Naruto are my most precious people that I'd do anything for, no matter what.
And there are things that have happened back home, things that I don't know how to forgive even myself for, but I-
I know that you are a different person here, and that's what I love, too. That here you've learned to make your bonds stronger, that you trust your teammates again, that you want to protect these people you call your friends. I love you for so much, and you say that you're a stranger, but you're not.
Things have happened here that I don't know about. Both of you have gone through things that you haven't or won't tell me about, and I understand. As much as I hate being in the dark, I do understand.
But that doesn't mean that just because I don't know everything that you're a stranger to me. You're still Sasuke, you're still my teammate, and I still love you more than I've ever-
[ she stops then, thinks for a moment, because-
because that isn't fully true, not now, not here. here she has so many things she never thought she would with both of them. here they have some measure of peace, they have a routine. they live together, they spend twelve hours a day on their Watch shift together, they've all resonated. the dynamic is so different, she just-
Sakura breathes, has to, because she's sure that she might cry from all that she's admitting. ]
I love both of you so much, Sasuke-kun. I'm giving up the chance of ever seeing my parents or Ino or Tsunade-shishou ever again, because the idea of not being with you and Naruto is so painful to me that I'd give up everyone else to spend these days here with you two.
[ she huffs, soft, still feeling mildly indignant, even after all that. ]
Try telling me again how I know nothing about you and can't love you.